AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:
1. YOU -- WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT!?!?!??!??!?!?!?!?!??!!?!! YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL INCREDIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE!!!!!!!!!!!
2. BORUSSIA DORTMUND TITLE CELEBRATION -- THIS IS LITERALLY THE ONLY REASON I WANT TO WIN CHAMPIONSHIPS!!!!!!!!!! SO I CAN SHOWER PEOPLE WITH BEER AND SHAVE THEIR HEADS!!!!!!!!!! EXCEPT INSTEAD OF BEER I WOULD USE PAINT THINNER AND INSTEAD OF SHAVING HEADS I WOULD DECAPITATE MANNEQUINS WITH ROUNDHOUSE KICKS!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH THIS IS THE REASON I PLAY THE GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. AEK FANS SET GREEK FOOTBALL BACK 100 YEARS -- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!??!?!?!??!!? 100 YEARS AGO FOOTBALL WAS BARBARIC!!!!!!!! I'M PRETTY SURE THEY PLAYED IT IN THREE PIECE SUITS AND BOWLER HATS!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW DARE YOU DISPARAGE THE GAME WITH SUCH SENSELESS VIOLENCE!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH IT MAKES ME WANT TO KARATE CHOP ALL OF YOU IN THE NECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4. CORN -- THE CORN WAS QUIET THIS WEEK!!!!!!! BUT DON'T BE FOOLED BY THIS BECAUSE IT IS SURELY PLOTTING SOME KIND OF BUTTERY ACT OF TERRORISM AS WE SCREAM AT OUR COMPUTER SCREENS!!!!!!!!!! OSAMA BIN LADEN WAS NOT THE REAL THREAT!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH WHY ISN'T MY PRINTER VOICE ACTIVATED!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!
5. RONALDINHO'S THROUGH THE LEGS TACKLE -- HE SHOULD HAVE KICKED HIM IN THE GROIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OR WHISPERED SOMETHING THAT WOULD HAVE MADE HIM QUESTION JUST HOW HAPPY HE WAS AS A CHILD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6. INVASION OF THE BEES -- I JUST REALIZED THAT THIS IS THE REASON WHY THE CORN HAS BEEN SO QUIET!!!!!!!!! IT HIRED THE BEES TO DO ITS DIRTY WORK!!!!!!!!!!! THERE IS NO STOPPING THIS EVIL CABAL OF VEGETABLES AND INSECTS NOW!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH I HATE THE CORN SO MUCH THAT IT HURTS!!!!!!! BUT THAT JUST MIGHT BE THE BEE STINGS!!!!!!!!!!
7. REFEREE ENDORSEMENTS -- REFEREES GET TO ENDORSE HAIR LOSS TREATMENTS BUT I STILL HAVE YET TO BE ASKED TO ENDORSE A LINE OF BEAR TRAPS AND/OR DOLL HOUSES!!!!!!!!! IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH BEAR TRAP DOLL HOUSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8. THE CAMPAIGN TO GET MARADONA ON ARGENTINA'S MONEY -- I ONCE MADE A CURRENCY CALLED ARTUR BORUC FUN BUCKS!!!!!!! I GAVE THEM OUT TO ANIMALS IN THE HOPE THAT I COULD TEACH THEM TO BE MORE LIKE HUMANS AND ONE DAY GET THEM TO SPEAK POLISH!!!!!!!!!!!! IT DIDN'T WORK!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH MONEY IS STUPID AND USELESS!!!!!!!!!!!! ESPECIALLY FOR ANIMALS!!!!!!!!!
9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- SO I WAS TRYING TO BUILD A BEAR TRAP DOLL HOUSE THAT I COULD ENDORSE WHEN I REMEMBERED THAT I GOT AN EMAIL FROM MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI EARLIER IN THE DAY THAT I HADN'T REPLIED TO YET!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT SINCE I JUST BROKE MY COMPUTER IN A PUNCHING ACCIDENT I DECIDED TO GO OVER TO DAN'S HOUSE AND HEADBUTT HIS DOOR UNTIL HE ANSWERED!!!!!!! WHEN HE FINALLY DID I DEMANDED TO KNOW WHAT WAS ON THE OTHER END OF THE LINK HE SENT ME!!!!!!!!!! HE SAID IT WAS A VIDEO OF BABY DUCKS WATCHING A YO-YO!!!!!!!!!! I SAID "THAT SOUNDS DELIGHTFUL!!!!!!" BUT I SAID IT SO HE WOULD KNOW THAT I COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT BABY DUCKS WATCHING A YO-YO!!!!!!!!!!!!! I ASKED HIM IF THERE WAS ANYTHING ELSE HE WANTED TO EMAIL TO ME AND HE SAID "NO" SO I SLAMMED HIS DOOR AND SCREAMED AT HIS DRIVEWAY FOR AN HOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH WHOEVER RESEALED HIS DRIVEWAY DID AN EXCELLENT JOB!!!!!!!!!
I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!
Photo: ArturBoruc.com
Jessica Alba Kylie Bax Diora Baird Laura Prepon Ashley Scott
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