Monday, February 28, 2011

More links! And Chris Wondolowski kicking a pinata!

All the stuff being covered outside the unfriendly confines of the award-winning Dirty Tackle...

Why is one of MLS's top scorers kicking a pinata? I don't know. But Artur Boruc approves. [YouTube]

The most realistic football game ever? [The Beautiful Gear]

The Immortal XI and Indian nationalism. [IBWM]

Brazil 2014: "Stadium budgets that border on complete fiction." [The Shinguardian]

Mo Edu is saving Scotland. [Unprofessional Foul]

David Hershey with an interesting piece on Davey: "Thanks for nothing, Becks." [Soccernet

Brian Straus' excellent interview with Don Garber. [Fanhouse]

Cantona as anti-hero. [Run of Play]

Caroline Wozniacki warms up before a tennis match in her Steven Gerrard autographed shirt. [Busted Racquet]

Speaking of Davey, he has a new chest tattoo. [Kickette]

Behind the scenes at the Marseille v Manchester United match. [The Offside]

Which football shirt manufacturer are you? [The Gaffer]

The joys of having your own comic strip. [Studs Up]

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Jeff Fisher to Assist NFL Competition Committee as Consultant

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INDIANAPOLIS -- Jeff Fisher won't likely be coaching in the NFL next season, but he will remain high profile.

Fisher, who parted ways with the Tennessee Titans shortly after the 2010 NFL season, has been asked by the league to assist the prestigious Competition Committee as a consultant. Fisher told Jim Wyatt of The Tennessean he had accepted the offer.

Fisher had served as the committee's co-chairman with Falcons president Rich McKay.

"I wanted to have an opportunity to stay involved," Fisher said Sunday. "I am very close with all the members on the committee and the support staff. You can imagine the time we've spent together over the years, it's almost been like a second job. To be able to continue to participate, it is exciting to me."

 

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Gattuso not making trip to Tottenham to avoid '37,000 slaps'

Rino Gattuso has been given a four-match ban for his headbutt-laced chats with Spurs assistant Joe Jordan last week. Added to the fact that he was already set to miss the second leg after picking up a yellow card between run-ins with Jordan in the first and that brings Gattuso to a five-match ban in total. Which he considers to be like a month-long prison sentence.

He told an Italian TV show (via Football Italia):

“They gave me a five-match ban... they may as well have put me in prison for a month! I wanted to be at the second leg in London, but was advised not to go. There’s 37,000 of them in that stadium, I’d have returned with a swollen face from 37,000 slaps.”

For some reason, I don't think Gattuso sees that prospect as a bad thing at all. Still, by "advised not to go" I think he means that Silvio Berlusconi is going to put a muzzle and a straitjacket on him and lock him in a cage at Milanello while the rest of the team makes the trip. 

As for the scuffle with Jordan, Gattuso said Pato couldn't handle the aggro and Cassano called him out on being a bad role model:

"Alexandre Pato went to the locker room. He was probably hiding in the bathroom!

“It’s lucky Antonio Cassano was ineligible for the Champions League. I was meant to be his tutor on how to behave at Milan and he said: ‘What a great example you set for me!’”

Gattuso also revealed what happened in the tunnel with Sebastien Bassong before Zlatan Ibrahimovic picked them both up like rambunctious little terriers. According to Rino, Bassong challenged him thinking that because he isn't tall, he must be a "small fry." And then Zlatan proved they are both small fries. 

Photo: Reuters

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Caroline Wozniacki didn't really get beat up by a baby kangaroo

Continuing a recent run of tour de force press conferences at the Australian Open, world No. 1 Caroline Wozniacki told reporters a made-up story about getting into a scrap with a kangaroo at a Melbourne park earlier in the week. Some members of the media fell for the gag and reported it as fact before Wozniacki later clarified she was kidding.

The 20-year-old Dane has been fighting back against allegations that she's a boring interview. Two days earlier, she held her own press conference in which she asked the usual, mundane post-match questions to herself and then held court answering "interesting" queries including ones about her love-life, favorite football team and childhood.

[Photos: Wozniacki among worst-dressed at Australian Open]

Wozniacki continued to keep the press on her toes after her fourth-round win on Sunday when she opened by telling a story about a kangaroo cutting her in the park. Despite a half-dozen follow-up questions, nobody in the press corps decided to ask whether Wozniacki was serious or not.

Q. What is the most exciting thing you've ever done? If it's illegal, we promise not to tell anyone [...]

CAROLINE WOZNIACKI: [...] Well, the other day I went to the park and I saw this kangaroo lying there. If you've seen, I'm playing with the thing on my shin here. It was lying there. So I wanted to go over and help it out. As I went over to it, it just started to be aggressive and it actually cut me. So I think that's pretty exciting. But I learned my lesson and I just started running away. [...]

Q. It was a baby?

CAROLINE WOZNIACKI: It wasn't big. It was a baby. I just wanted to help it out. I found out that I shouldn't do that.

Q. Scratch you pretty good?

CAROLINE WOZNIACKI: Yeah, it scratched me pretty well. That's why I'm playing with this tape on my shin.

Q. Did you go to the doctor?

CAROLINE WOZNIACKI: Yeah, I went to the doctor. They cleaned it and everything. They wanted to do a few stitches. I said, There's no way you're going to do stitches. I just told them to glue it together. I'm playing with the Steri Strips. It's looking fine. So everyone is happy.

Q. You've done a lot of boxing. Did you think about boxing the kangaroo as it took a swing at you?

CAROLINE WOZNIACKI: I'm sure that was ready for some boxing. I like boxing.

It looked so cute. But once it started scratching me, I was a coward and I run away.

[Related: At Australian Open, record set for longest Grand Slam match]

The press conference continued with tennis talk and Wozniacki eventually left without cluing in reporters that she actually got cut while walking on a treadmill. When some outlets reported the kangaroo story as fact, Wozniacki had to return to clarify that it was all a gag.

I'm sorry if I caused an inconvenience. I really didn't mean to. I didn't think you would believe it because I already told the Danish press and they know. I thought it was out there already. So I just wanted to apologize and that's why I'm here. I'm hoping that the press conferences in the future will still be funny. I promise if I make a joke like this, I'll make sure to clarify it before I leave.

In three days, Wozniacki has managed to transform her off-court image from aloof and snobby to entertaining and mischievous. Normally, one can only kill their reputations in such a short period of time. For her to change the narrative so quickly is a public relations triumph.  

Other popular stories on Yahoo!:
Strange NBA team photo: Heads don't match bodies
Photos: James Franco rocks two crazy wigs
Video: Basketball player sets incredible record for half-court shots

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Marcell Dareus, Da'Quan Bowers Battling for Top Defensive Lineman Honors

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INDIANAPOLIS -- Alabama's Marcell Dareus (photo above) is battling with Clemson's Da'Quan Bowers (photo below right) and Auburn's Nick Fairley for the title of best defensive lineman in this draft class. He likes to compare his game to that of former Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Oakland Raiders defensive tackle Warren Sapp, who has gone on record as labeling Dareus the best three-technique lineman in the draft.

"Watching Warren Sapp made me want to play football," said Dareus, who at 6-foot-3 and 319 pounds has the ideal build for either tackle or end. "I really got good at it when (the Bucs) won the Super Bowl (after the 2002 season). I was in middle school and I really looked up to him as a person and a player and I like the fact that Warren Sapp thinks that highly of me and recognizes me as the best three-technique."

In a moment of levity, when Dareus was asked to describe himself as a player he smiled and said without hesitation, "I would describe myself as a nice guy." He was quick to point out that he always helps up every player he tackles and he likes to have fun on the field.

The fact that he grew up as the sixth of seven children in a single-family home after his father passed away when he was young is something Dareus attributes to his humility. He is the second youngest and learned early on about the importance of hard work. He also showed respect to Fairley and said he holds nothing against him but he did admit he feels he is the safest pick at the position because he can play in both a 3-4 and a 4-3.

Bowers joins Dareus and Fairley as the consensus top three defensive linemen in this draft class, while Oregon inside linebacker Casey Matthews is considered one of the top prospects at his position. Both players commanded a crowd in the afternoon during the anticipation leading up to the Cam Newton press conference and handled it well.

Bowers (6-3, 280) is excited to do everything at Lucas Oil Stadium to show how well rounded he is as a defensive linemen and in the individual interviews with the teams he intends to prove he has no character issues. With the need for quality pass rushers an important one for most of the teams around the league, Bowers feels he fits that mold.

 

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Olympiakos fans tear down goals, unleash fireballs, attack players

As per usual, the derby of eternal enemies on Saturday between Olympiakos and Panathinaikos included fire, violence and even a bit of football. This time, much of the fire and violence was let loose immediately after Olympiakos' 2-1 win in front of their home fans, who reacted by storming the pitch, tearing at the goals like desperate parents going for the last Tickle Me Elmo, setting off massive fireballs in front of riot police (0:36 into the video) and physically beating Panathinaikos players.

From the Canadian Press:

The delirious Olympiakos fans charged onto the pitch at the final whistle and Panathinaikos players, already upset by a disallowed goal and the manner of the winner, claimed they were attacked.

Panathinaikos forward Djibril Cisse, one of the players allegedly attacked by the crowd, was so angry he told reporters he would leave Greece in a few months.

"Enough is enough," Cisse told reporters after the game. "I have taken my decision. You (the reporters) should take advantage of the fact that these will be my last few months in Greece."

Cisse was upset the referee chalked off Costas Katsouranis' 81st minute strike for offside, and that Djebbour's goal was allowed to stand. Panathinaikos players and officials claim Djebbour was in an offside position.

"We won the match. I know it, you know it," Cisse told reporters.

So, not only did Olympiakos fans get a win, a free riot on the pitch and a few cheap shots on their hated rival's already aggrieved players, but they even drove Djibril Cisse, the Greek Super League's top scorer over the last two seasons, to announce that he's leaving out of frustration. As horrible as most of those things are, that's as complete a victory as you can get. Until the bans, fines and other assorted penalties start getting handed out. 

Tami Donaldson Padma Lakshmi Sarah Mutch Gabrielle Union Alessandra Ambrosio

Ron Artest's CFL plan might not be too crazy

Sam Amick of AOL FanHouse has a great interview up with Los Angeles Lakers' forward Ron Artest (pictured at right going for a layup against the Clippers' Ryan Gomes Jan. 16). Why are we talking about this on a CFL blog? Because, amongst thoughts on the perception of him, media coverage, L.A. and much more, Artest let slip this tidbit in comments about the other sports he wants to try, highlighted by the good people over at the National Post sports desk;

I'm not getting in the ring for like three years. I don't plan on really fighting professional until I'm probably 37 (years old). I have more time to do the boxing. And in boxing, I can fight my own level of fighters. I don't have to fight (Vitali) Klitschko. ... So the boxing is going to be there. Football is the one I worry about, because I don't know if I'll be as athletic (three years from now). But if I can get a (presumably NFL) tryout, I really want that tryout. And if I don't make the team, I might try the CFL, but it depends what other opportunities are coming up.

On first glance, one might be tempted to write this off as another example of Artest's reputed zaniness. After all, this is the man who was heavily involved in the infamous "Malice At The Palace" brawl, reportedly used to drink Hennessy (cognac) at halftime during games while he was with the Bulls, convinced Craig Sager to give Queensbridge a shout-out and thanked his psychiatrist after winning the NBA title last year.

Still, there's more to the guy than just those widely-reported stories. As Andrew Sharp wrote at SB Nation last year, Artest is "neither a saint or a sociopath". The same man who charged into the crowd and attacked a fan in Detroit took time during the Lakers' playoff run last season to take a little girl who just lost her father to a father-daughter night at her school. He's also the guy who went back to his old neighbourhood for a day last summer to sign autographs and talk to people for four hours, and the guy who just spent a Saturday playing football on the beach with his fans and Twitter followers:

It's clear that Artest isn't just the mayhem-driven thug some used to paint him as, and I doubt he'd cause many off-the-field problems in Canada. His record of community engagement speaks for itself and would allow him to fit right in with many of the CFL's players. The more important questions, though, are would he actually come to the CFL, and would teams actually give him a shot?

On that first point, Artest giving the CFL a look isn't as ludicrous as it might seem. This is far from the first time he's talked about wanting to play professional football. Obviously, his first choice would be the NFL, as would most players, but the success of Pro Bowl linebacker Cam Wake and the growing number of CFL players heading south seem to suggest that the CFL is being seen as a more legitimate path to the NFL than it used to. If Artest is serious about wanting to play football and can't immediately catch on in the NFL, the CFL might make the most sense for him.

But would it make sense for CFL teams? At first glance, maybe not. Artest is already 31, and teams don't tend to look too closely at guys who haven't played serious football since high school. However, the basketball-to-football conversion is not without precedent; Antonio Gates played basketball in college at Kent State, then caught on in the NFL as an undrafted free agent. Since then, he's turned into one of the league's best receiving tight ends. It didn't take him too long to figure out the gridiron game, either; despite not drawing a lot of hype in his rookie year in 2003, Gates caught 24 passes for 389 yards and two touchdowns that season.

Artest may be older than Gates, but his physical attributes are even more impressive. At 6'4'' and 260 pounds, Gates poses huge matchup issues for NFL defensive backs, few of whom can match both his size and speed. Artest has three inches on him at a listed height of 6'7'', but is also listed at 260 pounds; his basketball career and rebounding prowess also demonstrates that he has a tremendous vertical leap and a good ability to judge where the ball's going. Especially in the CFL, where defensive backs generally tend to be smaller, it would be pretty tough for anyone to stop a fade route to Artest.

None of that means that this is definitely going to happen. Artest is still finding a lot of success in the NBA, and there's no indication he's ready to give that up just yet. Even if he does, the NFL would certainly have first crack at him, and the success Gates has had will resonate more in a league where tight ends are routinely used. Moreover, CFL personnel staffs have generally been pretty conservative, so there's no guarantee a team would see Artest's potential and give him a shot if he wanted to come north of the border.

However, it's an interesting possibility to speculate on (particularly with lockouts potentially looming in both the NBA and NFL) and one that could possibly work out well for all involved. Playing in the CFL could give Artest a launching pad towards a potential NFL career. He could also prove a valuable, difficult-to-stop receiving weapon for whichever team elected to give him a chance and lead them to substantial success. Moreover, Artest's penchant for community engagement would be great for whichever city lands him, and his presence in the CFL would give the league some more media attention south of the border. The CFL doesn't need Ron Artest to be successful, but if he did want to venture up north, it might benefit both him and the league.

Robin Tunney Kate Groombridge Dania Ramirez Lucy Liu LeAnn Rimes

Wozniacki moves on in Dubai after opponent faints on court

Anna Chakvetadze was out before she hit the ground.

In a frightening scene in Dubai, the Russian player crumpled to the court during her match against world No. 1 Caroline Wozniacki. She lay motionless for an instant before doctors and trainers attended to her, propped her up and checked her vital signs.

The 23-year-old rested for a few minutes before returning to play one point. She wisely retired before the next one.

Later, she was diagnosed with a gastrointestinal illness.

Chakvetadze had dropped the first set to Wozniacki but led 5-3 in the second when she collapsed. She appeared woozy for much of her win on Tuesday against Daniela Hantuchova and throughout the first two sets against Wozniacki.

It's hard to believe that medical officials at the tournament let her continue following her fainting spell. You can't blame the 51st-ranked Chakvetadze for trying. That's her job. It's the doctor's job to tell her she shouldn't. 

With a win in her next match, Wozniacki will regain the No. 1 ranking she lost to Kim Clijsters this week.

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DTotD: Norwegians cross indoor football with backyard wrestling

I have no idea what's going on here. I don't think the kids in the video know either, but whatever it is, I find it hilarious. This is the league Mark van Bommel dreams of playing in one day. Between the body checks, the gang assaults, kids getting rammed into doors and walls, it's pretty much an amateur referee's nightmare. 

So watch and revel in the recklessness of Norwegian youth. 

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Wlad Klitschko locking up 2011 schedule, Haye moving on to Chagaev

It looks like the wonderful world of heavyweight matchmaking is again producing a cornucopia of fights the public doesn't want to see.

The Wladimir Klitschko-David Haye fight fell apart late last week and now we're set to embark on a 2011 with lots of fights that'll leave us asking - who?

Klitschko moved on from Haye and will face fellow Brit Dereck Chisora (14-0, 9 KOs) in April. He's also reportedly finalizing a deal to face Tomasz Adamek in Poland in September. That fight could mark Klitschko's return to HBO.

Haye and his camp are livid.

"The Klitschko situation is dead. I have asked Chagaev's manager to supply medical records," confirmed Adam Booth, Haye’s trainer and manager.

Booth listed several reasons why the fight fell through and pointed the finger of blame squarely at Klitschko.

"Wladimir should feel ashamed of himself," said Booth. "There were lots of people that know Wladimir really didn't want this fight yet. It's a shame. It's embarrassing for boxing that the unification fight isn't going to happen now because David has bent over backwards. We've conceded to every single ridiculous demand they made."

It wasn't Haye's money demands. 

"From the start they said ‘50-50’. David said fine, even though potentially we're putting in the pot three or four times more than they're putting into the pot because of pay-per-view Sky box office. David still said 'Let's get the fight done 50-50,'" said Booth.

So Chagaev (27-1, 17 KO) gets another shot at a heavyweight title. He lost a one-sided nine rounder against Klitschko back in June of 2009. He's only fought twice since, beating top 25 heavyweights Travis Walker and Kali Meehan. 

Vitali Klitschko's schedule is open in the second half of 2011. Maybe there's some hope with the older Klitschko brother. If not, Haye says he's sticking with his plan to retire at the age of 31 in October.

A Haye fight against either of the Klitschkos was expected to breathe some life into the heavyweight division in 2011. Now it's time to go back to paying attention to the lower weights where some common sense and solid matchmaking exists.

Joanna Krupa Ashley Olsen Danneel Harris Veronika Vaeková Eve

Hopkins says Pacquiao is ducking African-American fighters

Bernard Hopkins is great for boxing in and out of the ring, but he may have put his foot in his mouth when talking about the dominance of Manny Pacquiao. Hopkins isn't happy with the selection of opponents from "Pac-Man" and says he's excluded one important group of fighters -- African-Americans. According to Hopkins, plenty of African-Americans think Pacquiao is afraid. From AOL FanHouse:

"Maybe I'm biased because I'm black, but I think that this is what is said at people's homes and around the dinner table among black boxing fans and fighters. Most of them won't say it [in public] because they're not being real and they don't have the balls to say it."

The natural conclusion is that the top black fighter would take out Pac-Man.

"[...] Floyd Mayweather would beat Manny Pacquiao because the styles that African American fighters -- and I mean, black fighters from the streets or the inner cities -- would be successful," said Hopkins. "I think Floyd Mayweather would pot-shot Pacquiao and bust him up in between the four-to-five punches that Pacquiao throws and then set him up later on down the line."

Hopkins said Pacquiao would have trouble with someone like a "Sugar" Ray Leonard.

Pacquiao's camp scoffed at the talk of Pacquiao ducking anyone. Pacquiao's manager Michael Koncz told FanHouse:

"Manny has done more than anybody in boxing than anybody has ever imagined. He has the right to select his opponents. These black fighters, you know, we're not prejudiced. We don't care if they're black, green or blue.

"All that we care about is what fighter has a following. When these fighters that are crying about fighting Manny develop a following, and can prove to us, statistically, that it's economically feasible, then we will have no problem fighting them. But until then, they can cry all that they want."

This isn't the first time Hopkins infused race into a boxing conversation. Before his fight against Welshman Joe Calzaghe, Hopkins said he would never "lose to a white boy." Hopkins went on to drop a split decision (114-113, 111-116, 112-115) to Calzaghe in April of 2008.

Katie Cassidy Estella Warren Cinthia Moura Monica Potter Brittany Snow

More links! And Chris Wondolowski kicking a pinata!

All the stuff being covered outside the unfriendly confines of the award-winning Dirty Tackle...

Why is one of MLS's top scorers kicking a pinata? I don't know. But Artur Boruc approves. [YouTube]

The most realistic football game ever? [The Beautiful Gear]

The Immortal XI and Indian nationalism. [IBWM]

Brazil 2014: "Stadium budgets that border on complete fiction." [The Shinguardian]

Mo Edu is saving Scotland. [Unprofessional Foul]

David Hershey with an interesting piece on Davey: "Thanks for nothing, Becks." [Soccernet

Brian Straus' excellent interview with Don Garber. [Fanhouse]

Cantona as anti-hero. [Run of Play]

Caroline Wozniacki warms up before a tennis match in her Steven Gerrard autographed shirt. [Busted Racquet]

Speaking of Davey, he has a new chest tattoo. [Kickette]

Behind the scenes at the Marseille v Manchester United match. [The Offside]

Which football shirt manufacturer are you? [The Gaffer]

The joys of having your own comic strip. [Studs Up]

Maria Bello Jennifer Gareis Ashlee Simpson Donna Feldman Jodi Lyn OKeefe

Sunday, February 27, 2011

In defeat, Nadal showed the true mark of a champion

In a somber press conference following his quarterfinal loss at the Australian Open, world No. 1 Rafael Nadal proved that the true greatness of a great champion is in how he handles defeat. 

Nadal refused to make excuses for his loss to David Ferrer in his post-match talk with the press, despite the fact that a thigh injury suffered early in the first set hobbled him for the duration. He didn't want to take away from his fellow Spaniard's victory or to suggest that he can only be defeated when he's hurt. Time after time, Nadal passed up opportunities to blame the long ATP schedule or the virus he had in Doha or the Australia Day fireworks celebration which appeared to sap any momentum he may have developed early in the second set.

It was an intimate, revealing look at Nadal's character. You couldn't help but feel sorry for him as he sat there with a despondent look on his face, his dreams of a Rafa Slam dashed. Yet, even at his most vulnerable, he showed strength.

Here's a few of the best excerpts from the interview:

7.

Q. What can you tell us about the injury?

RAFAEL NADAL: I can say nothing about the injury. Seriously, I would prefer don't talk a lot about the injury.

Tonight, first of all, I don't know nothing. Second thing, for respect to the winner and to a friend, I prefer to talk about the match. I think he played at a very high level. I just congratulate him and wish him all the best for the semifinal. I think he's doing a fantastic tournament. If he keep playing like this, he going to have a good chances.

6.

Q. It's going to be difficult for us to write a piece without appreciating how well you could move. It seemed to us you couldn't move as well as you would like to have been moving tonight. Is that a fair statement?

RAFAEL NADAL: You see the match?

Q. Yes.

RAFAEL NADAL: So you are ready to write everything. I don't have to tell you about what I felt on the court because I tried my best all the time. But is obvious that I didn't feel at my best. I had a problem during the match, in the very beginning. After that, the match was almost over. So that's what I can say.

But you know what, for me is difficult come here and speak about. In Doha I wasn't healthy. Today I have another problem. Seems like I always have problems when I lose, and I don't want to have this image, no? I prefer don't talk about that today. If you can respect that, will be a very nice thing for me. Thank you.

5.

RAFAEL NADAL: I started the second week with a very good match against Cilic and improving my level every day. Seriously, I was practicing much better than in the beginning of the tournament, and I felt ready to play this quarterfinals. But wasn't the day.

4.

Q. We appreciate your fair play, and we understand what you're saying. I just would like to know if you didn't have in front of you a friend of yours, would you have kept till the last ball and point to stay on court or would you have left a little before?

RAFAEL NADAL: I hate the retirements, so this wasn't the day. I did last year. I hate that moment. I didn't want to repeat that.

3.

RAFAEL NADAL: I love playing tennis. I love the competition. And I love, in general, the hard moments because you are ready to change the situation working hard, working every day with a goal and with illusion.

2.

Q. How did the fireworks display [for Australia Day, which interrupted the match for 15 minutes] disrupt your rhythm?

RAFAEL NADAL: Nothing, nothing, no.

1.

RAFAEL NADAL: The tennis career, you have higher moments and lower moments. I had almost all the time very, very happy moments and very nice moments in my career. That's part of the sport. Last year I was very lucky. I was healthy most of the year. I was playing unbelievable during all the year. [...]

So this is one of bad ones, one of negative moments. That's part of the sport. I think I am very, very lucky sportsman about what happened in my career. And I have to accept the fantastic moments that I had during a lot of years with the same calm that when I have problems. And if I am ready to accept both things with I think let's say everything the same, I going to be able to come back and play my best tennis another time.

Rafa, tennis wise, this may be a low moment. As an athlete and a man, it was a triumphant one. Keep your head held high. To lose with dignity is far more difficult than to win with it.

Katherine Heigl Lorri Bagley Leslie Bega Maria Sharapova Lindsay Price

All That and a Bag of Mail: Treeson Takes Center Stage

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If you gave me 50 guesses which state would feature a pair of historic campus trees being intentionally poisoned by a rival fan base, I would guess Alabama every time. Nothing in that state surprises me.

Granted, Alabama and Auburn is the best rivalry in all of sports, but it also has a toxic fan hate that produces pure insanity. When NBC news travels to Auburn to report on the insanity of your state's football obsession on a national news broadcast, it's not a good sign.

The latest absurdity in the Alabama-Auburn rivalry comes via Harvey Updyke, a 62-year-old retired Texas state trooper who allegedly poisoned the trees at Toomer's Corner. Now that he's free on bail and in need of a lawyer -- I volunteered to be his attorney, pro bono, on Twitter -- can you imagine the insanity that would come from a jury trial?

This would have to be televised, right?

I'd watch every minute. Who does Updyke call as character witnesses? His children, and I'm not making this up, who are named Crimson and Bear? Greg McElroy? Paul Finebaum? Certainly not Nick Saban who issued a statement condemning the act. The entire trial would be a circus. And I think you'll probably need a trial because I don't know if the local district attorney would be able to plea this case down. Not if he wants to keep his job anyway. Local residents are going to demand zero leniency.

 

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Kuntz, Duerson leave important legacy in death

This month saw the tragic deaths of two men. They grew up and lived in separate worlds, but both played professional football along the Great Lakes, and there are suspicions that their athletic careers may have contributed to their unfortunate ends. Former Toronto Argonauts and Hamilton Tiger-Cats star running back and linebacker/defensive back Bobby Kuntz (pictured at left above) passed away at the age of 79 on Feb. 7 after an 11-year battle with Parkinson's disease, while former Chicago Bears safety Dave Duerson (pictured at right above) took his own life with a shotgun Feb. 17. This is the story of their lives, of how they and their families suspected their football careers might have impacted their health, of the other research that supports that conclusion, and how their legacy may help others down the road.

Kuntz was a legendary figure in the early days of the CFL, even if he almost never made it to professional football. In the high-school ranks, a coach in Cleveland told him he'd never make it because of his size (he was reportedly five-foot-two at that point). Not to be discouraged, Kuntz and his family moved to Kitchener, Ontario, and he wound up learning under the tutelage of famed high school coach Clem Jerome. He went on to play CIS football and basketball at Hamilton's McMaster University and then played senior football for the Kitchener Dutchmen before the Toronto Argonauts picked him up in 1955. With them, he showed off his versatility, frequently playing entire games and shifting between running back, defensive back and linebacker. Kuntz's greatest success came after a brief flirtation with retirement after his brother David died at age 31, leading to him leaving football to take over the family electroplating business. That decision didn't last long, though, and he wound up signing with the Hamilton Tiger-Cats after a few months and play closer to home. Kuntz became an important part of the Tiger-Cats' dynasty that went to four straight Grey Cups (winning in 1963 and 1965), and he was named a league all-star in 1964. He was also involved in one of the most legendary Grey Cup games of all time, the two-day "Fog Bowl" in 1962 that Hamilton lost by one point.

Duerson was another legendary figure, and he had a starring role on one of the most famed NFL teams, the 1985 Chicago Bears. He played college football at Notre Dame, starting for four straight seasons and earning All-American nods in 1981 and 1982 before the Bears picked him in the third round of the 1983 draft. That proved to be a good decision, as Duerson quickly established himself as a safety to be reckoned with. He was a key part of the 1985 Bears' defence, which is generally cited as one of the best units ever, and he was named to four straight Pro Bowls from 1985 to 1988. After leaving the Bears following the 1989 campaign, he moved on to New York and helped the Giants win Super Bowl XXV before finishing his career with the Arizona Cardinals.

Life after football proved more difficult for both men, though. Kuntz went on to a successful business career with Kuntz Electroplating, serving as both CEO and chairman of the board, and he was also active in a wide number of community causes, but things became tough for him when he was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease in 2000. It's an awful disease which both Michael J. Fox and Muhammad Ali suffer from, and it can affect everything from movement to thought and behaviour, with many patients experiencing dementia in the more advanced stages of the disease. Kuntz had to spend most of his final years in a nursing home.

For Duerson (pictued at right testifying before Congress in 2007), things went wrong even sooner. He ran into financial trouble soon after leaving football, and filed for bankruptcy this past September. Before that, he had been charged with domestic assault in 2005, and saw the collapse of both his marriage and his business. It's worth noting that we've heard those stories before about former football stars (including Kenny McKinley and Chris Henry) , and in many cases like Fred McNeill's, Andre Waters' and Mike Webster's, some of those behavioural issues have been linked to the long-term impact of repeated concussions. Duerson was also experiencing significant physical issues frequently associated with repeated concussions, including blurred vision and pain on the left side of his brain. You have to wonder how much of an effect that had on his decision to take his life.

We often view sports as an escapist avenue from many of life's problems, and to an extent, that's fair. As more and more research comes out about the potentially damaging long-term effects of concussions in everything from football to hockey to soccer, though, it's hard not to wonder if our sports are not only failing to draw us away from the world's problems, but are creating plenty of problems of their own. That's not to advocate banning contact sports or refusing to watch them, but rather to suggest that everyone involved with sports — players, coaches, medical staff, writers, broadcasters, fans and more — needs to seriously consider the consequences of the head injuries that happen in them.

The first step towards making things better is awareness that there's a problem, and fortunately, that appears on the upswing. On the NHL side, as Bruce Arthur wrote yesterday, it was much easier to shrug off concussions when they were happening to players like Marc Savard and Alyn McCauley. On the football side, stories like those on McKinley, those on Owen Thomas and those on Jay Roberts, Tony Proudfoot, Kuntz and Duerson are making concussion issues tough to ignore. People are realizing there's a real issue here, and they're starting to think of solutions, including more advanced helmets or potential rule amendments.

Will any of that work? It's tough to say, as there's still so much we simply don't know about the effects of concussions on the brain. Fortunately, though, steps are being made in that area as well, and perhaps the biggest way forward is through the generous donations of players like Roberts, Proudfoot, Kuntz and Duerson. All left their brains to researchers investigating concussions, and in death, they're still leading the way.

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Thoughts from the Hall of Fame's newest class


The Canadian Football Hall of Fame held three separate conference calls with six of its seven 2011 inductees Friday (builder inductee Gino Fracas passed away in 2009). There were a lot of interesting comments made by the likes of Terry Vaughn (pictured above making a catch against Montreal's Reggie Durden in the 2002 Grey Cup), Danny McManus and others. I already covered those by Don Matthews earlier today, so here's a look at what some of the other inductees had to say.

Chris Flynn: Flynn, a legendary CIS quarterback with the Saint Mary's Huskies, became the first CFL-era player inducted primarily based on his amateur career, thanks to a new rule this year. Flynn said his hopes of getting in were never very high, as he'd always viewed the Hall of Fame as a CFL institution.

"Like a lot of people, I thought it was the CFL Hall of Fame," he said.

Flynn has the unusual honour of going into the Hall with his uncle, former Ottawa Rough Riders linebacker Ken Lehmann. He said Lehmann's influence got him interested in football at a young age.

"He definitely got my family, my parents, my brother and all of us into football," Flynn said.

Flynn received a brief CFL shot with Ottawa, mostly as a special-teams player, but wasn't really given a solid look.

"I'll always regret not being able to play in more CFL games," he said.

That's something that's happened to countless other Canadian quarterbacks over the years. Flynn said the league might have given him a deeper look if he'd accepted the full scholarship he was offered at the NCAA's Boise State University (former Broncos Jared Zabransky and Ryan Dinwiddie are currently CFL backups), but he opted to stay in Canada and attend Saint Mary's thanks to the chance to play right away.

"Back then, they had just started redshirting, and I didn't have the patience for that," he said.

He's still an avid fan of the CIS game, and he thinks it's improved dramatically over the years.

"Absolutely, I follow it," he said. "The level of play has definitely gotten better; Laval looks like an American college team."

Flynn said he's thrilled to be the first CIS player selected for the Hall.

"It's pretty amazing," he said. "There are a lot of great college players before and after me. ... For them to select me is very humbling."

Ken Lehmann: Lehmann said he was thrilled to see his nephew come in with him, particularly given the lack of CFL interest Flynn drew. He sees the Canadian quarterback situation as a systematic problem, and one the CFL should address, especially for Canadian-trained players.

"If they don't have the U.S. coaching experience, the coaches up here don't care," Lehmann said.

Lehmann spent most of his career in Ottawa and still lives not too far from there. He's excited about the CFL's plans to bring a new franchise to that city.

"I think there's a great opportunity for them to get a team back here," he said.

He cautioned that the team will have to work to bring neglected fans back into the fold, though.

"It's going to take a lot of effort to get people back."

Danny McManus: The long-time Hamilton quarterback said making the Hall at the same time as teammate Joe Montford was partcularly special to him.

"It is a great honour to go in with a teammate like Joe Montford," he said.

He said winning the 1999 Grey Cup with the Tiger-Cats remains his favourite career moment, particularly considering what it meant to the city.

"For the city of Hamilton, I know there were a few years where things didn't go as well," he said. "It was a heck of a ride. To get that championship in '99 for the city was extra special."

McManus said one of the coaches he remembers most is CFL legend Ron Lancaster, who he worked with both in Edmonton and Hamilton.

"I had the privilege to work under Coach Lancaster and his son R.D. in Edmonton, and that's really when my career took off," McManus said. "When I got the call from the committee, Ron was the first person I thought of. I wish he could have been here."

Joe Montford: Montford started his career with the expansion Shreveport Pirates and finished his career in Edmonton, with stops in Toronto and Hamilton in between. He led the CFL in sacks four times and was selected as the league's most outstanding defensive player three times. He said the Canadian game played to his strengths.

"Because the field was so wide open, I was able to use my speed to get out there and make plays," Montford said. "I was able to use my power, speed and agility."

He said his time in Edmonton was a special way to wrap up his career, particularly winning the 2005 Grey Cup. He was wary at first when joining a new locker room, but teammates encouraged him to take a leadership role.

"Coming in as an outsider, you always want to be received in a good way."

Terry Vaughn: Vaughn kicked off his time in the CFL in Calgary with the powerhouse Calgary Stampeders of the late 1990s, then jumped to Edmonton in 1999 near the start of their most recent dynasty. He said he loved the Labour Day clashes between the two teams, especially as he usually was on the winning side; he pegged his Labour Day record as 7-1.

"Those Labour Day games meant a lot in Alberta, and it was great to be on the winning side."

Vaughn said Calgary was a tremendous place for him to start his career, working with legendary coach Wally Buono and famed quarterbacks Jeff Garcia and Dave Dickenson.

"When I got there, it was just a great spot for me," he said. "I got the opportunity to learn from some great players."

Vaughn retired after the 2006 season, following stints with Montreal and Hamilton. He left as the CFL's all-time receptions leader with 1,006 catches, but Ben Cahoon broke that record this past season. Vaughn said he was happy to see it broken by Cahoon, though.

"It felt great," he said. "Records are made to be broken. I had an opportunity to play with Ben, so I know what he's all about. He's a great player and a tireless worker. I'd always admired Ben from afar. To have the record broken by him, I was happy."

The 2011 induction ceremonies will be in Calgary from Sept. 14-18. For more information on this year's inductees and the Canadian Football Hall of Fame and Museum, check out their site.

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Mila Kunis: Packers QB Aaron Rodgers Seen Flirting with Kunis at Oscars Party

Mila Kunis and Aaron Rodgers Seen Mingling and Sipping on Champagne Together at LA Oscars Party.

There are some sure things we can count on in this world.

Football will always be played even in the midst of an Apocalypse.

The Oscar award will never change from being a man with no features or personality.

And if you win a Super Bowl, you are guaranteed to land a hot chick.

This is the world Green Pay Packers star QB Aaron Rodgers is living in right now.

Just removed from his first Super Bowl win, Rodgers reportedly was flirting up a storm with Black Swan actress and lovelylite Mila Kunis.

"Sources" had Rodgers and Kunis mingling and sipping champagne together, keeping to themselves for a good while before friends arrived at the Circa Hollywood Dominos Oscars party in Los Angeles.

One source reportedly said Kunis was "very keen" on talking to Rodgers and he was soaking up the attention.

Rodgers was previously linked to Gossip Girls star Jessica Szohr before.

I'm guessing he split with her after he realized he could get basically anyone he wanted.

Sorry Big Ben, I know you are slated to marry, but Rodgers still has you beat.

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Marcell Dareus, Da'Quan Bowers Battling for Top Defensive Lineman Honors

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INDIANAPOLIS -- Alabama's Marcell Dareus (photo above) is battling with Clemson's Da'Quan Bowers (photo below right) and Auburn's Nick Fairley for the title of best defensive lineman in this draft class. He likes to compare his game to that of former Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Oakland Raiders defensive tackle Warren Sapp, who has gone on record as labeling Dareus the best three-technique lineman in the draft.

"Watching Warren Sapp made me want to play football," said Dareus, who at 6-foot-3 and 319 pounds has the ideal build for either tackle or end. "I really got good at it when (the Bucs) won the Super Bowl (after the 2002 season). I was in middle school and I really looked up to him as a person and a player and I like the fact that Warren Sapp thinks that highly of me and recognizes me as the best three-technique."

In a moment of levity, when Dareus was asked to describe himself as a player he smiled and said without hesitation, "I would describe myself as a nice guy." He was quick to point out that he always helps up every player he tackles and he likes to have fun on the field.

The fact that he grew up as the sixth of seven children in a single-family home after his father passed away when he was young is something Dareus attributes to his humility. He is the second youngest and learned early on about the importance of hard work. He also showed respect to Fairley and said he holds nothing against him but he did admit he feels he is the safest pick at the position because he can play in both a 3-4 and a 4-3.

Bowers joins Dareus and Fairley as the consensus top three defensive linemen in this draft class, while Oregon inside linebacker Casey Matthews is considered one of the top prospects at his position. Both players commanded a crowd in the afternoon during the anticipation leading up to the Cam Newton press conference and handled it well.

Bowers (6-3, 280) is excited to do everything at Lucas Oil Stadium to show how well rounded he is as a defensive linemen and in the individual interviews with the teams he intends to prove he has no character issues. With the need for quality pass rushers an important one for most of the teams around the league, Bowers feels he fits that mold.

 

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Elbow injury forces Justine Henin to announce retirement (again)

For the second time in three years, Justine Henin is retiring from tennis. After a brief comeback to the sport, the seven-time Grand Slam champion announced that an elbow injury will force her to leave the game for good.

She made the announcement on her Facebook page. Some excerpts:

I have unfortunately not good news. I spent the last days undergoing various medical tests and they have confirmed that my elbow has been damaged by my adventure in Australia.

After my crash at Wimbledon in June, I knew it would be difficult to come back. But I had decided to keep playing and to give everything to overcome the injury. In these recent months I have rarely been spared from the pain, those last months were very hard. Time has passed, and the doubts have grown, and only return to the courts would give me answers. Not the answer I was hoping for... unfortunately. I suffered a lot the last week and every day gave me more and more pain, but I believed that my will would take the upper hand. Today, the examinations are clearly and and the doctors formally, my elbow is too fragile and hurt so that my passion and my profession at high level cannot continue to exist.

I'm in shock, of course, even whith the work of these past seven months I had to understand that there might be a reason for all this. After having well considered and following the advice of doctors, it is now clear and I accept that my career here ... ... finally ends. Even though it's hard, very hard, while I came back with a tremendous fighting spirit. I'm sorry ... I had hoped for a different return and dreamed of a different ending.

The seven-time Grand Slam champion originally retired in the spring of 2008 as the No. 1 player in the world. She had been struggling that season, but the announcement, which came when the Belgian was 25 years old, was a stunner nonetheless. Henin walked away just before the French Open, where she was as three-time defending champion.

She returned at the beginning of 2010 and in her first two tournaments, there was the sense that her comeback would be every bit as triumphant as Kim Clijsters', her rival and countrywoman who won the U.S. Open after returning to the game. Henin made the finals of Brisbane and the Australian Open in her first two events and was heavily favored to win the French Open last May. She lost to Sam Stosur in the fourth-round and was then ousted by Clijsters at Wimbledon. Her low seedings (the result of not playing the year before) produced matchups she wouldn't have normally seen until the later rounds.

During that Wimbledon match, Henin suffered an eblow injury that forced her out for the rest of 2010. She didn't return until last week in Melbourne, where she lost in the third round to Svetlana Kuznetsova, 6-4, 7-6 (8).

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Schlichter's story is more proof players aren't perfect

It looks like former Ottawa Rough Riders quarterback Art Schlichter (pictured at right in 1985 with the Indianapolis Colts) is in trouble with the law again, reportedly for his role in an alleged million-dollar sports ticketing fraud scheme. Of course, Schlichter's issues started long before his CFL career began in 1988; he reportedly acquired a compulsive gambling addiction in high school, and it carried on through his time starring at Ohio State and his NFL stints in Baltimore and Buffalo before he went north of the border in 1988. Schlichter didn't even last the full 1988 season with Ottawa, thanks at least partly to his off-field issues, but he did go on to three largely successful seasons in arena football before retiring in 1992.

Schlichter's addiction reportedly led him to commit close to 20 felonies (by his own estimate), including fraud and forgery. Many of those were related to ticket scams, including a 2000 one that saw him bilk former Ohio State buddies for Final Four tickets. This 2006 piece on him has some pretty revealing information about the depths of the addiction he struggled with:

Art Schlichter's racetrack of choice was Scioto Downs, a harness track not far from Ohio State. He started going in high school with Bill Hanners, one of his best friends, and his star receiver at Miami Trace High. Hanners' family trained horses and Art's parents bought a half-interest in a horse named Phantom Bret. Schlichter was often seen at the track with Earle Bruce, his Ohio State coach and the man who replaced Woody Hayes. All the messages Schlichter got were that this was okay. For somebody else it might've been.

Alcohol and drugs were never an issue with Schlichter: It was the rush of risk-taking with money that took Schlichter away from his feelings of isolation and guilt. He liked being on the edge. He had a black Mercury Cougar in high school, and he'd drive home on Friday afternoons like a Richard Petty wannabe. "He'd take a curve on a gravel road at 60 when we should've been going 30," Hanners says. "I'm not going to say he thought he was invincible, but there was always that edge." ...

"This addiction has taken everything I've ever loved or owned in my life," Schlichter says from his prison quarters in Medaryville. "I don't have anybody to blame but myself."

The addiction also significantly damaged Schlichter's career. A fourth-overall pick in the 1982 NFL draft, he never lived up to his potential, but a large part of that was thanks to his gambling addiction; his signing bonus was gone by midseason, and he spent much of his time studying gambling instead of preparing to play football. In 1983, he wound up $389,000 in debt to several bookies and turned to the FBI, helping to put them behind bars, but was suspended by the NFL for gambling shortly thereafter. His eventual release from Indianapolis in 1985 was reportedly due to gambling again, and the problem never really went away.

There had been plenty of pieces over the last few years suggesting that Schlichter was on the road to recovery, so it's definitely unfortunate to see him in serious trouble again. His case might be a useful reminder, though. For all the great and inspiring stories of former CFL players out there, there are also plenty who have wound up in significant trouble, including Trevis Smith, Josh Boden and Adam Braidwood. Athletes are just like any other group of people; some are admirable and some are more reprehensible. Driven by his addiction, Schlichter used his celebrity status to take advantage of a lot of people; it's worth remembering that just because someone has the skills to play professional football, they aren't necessarily someone to look up to or emulate.

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Will Eskimos' Ray deal bring them hope or despair?

At the start of this offseason, there were plenty of questions of how the Edmonton Eskimos would look in 2011, and perhaps the biggest centred around the man wearing number 15. With a new general manager in Eric Tillman and a coaching change from Richie Hall to Kavis Reed, it certainly seemed possible that free-agent quarterback Ricky Ray (pictured at right under pressure from the Tiger-Cats' Garrett McIntyre in a Oct. 3 game) could be on his way out of town, either of his own volition or out of management's desire to move in a different direction. Instead, the Eskimos have opted for stability at the pivot spot, signing Ray to a three-year contract that runs through the 2013 season.

There are certainly signs that this could work out well for the Eskimos. Changing coaches and coordinators is difficult in the first place, and changing quarterbacks can be even more difficult. Edmonton does have another promising quarterback with some game experience already on their roster in Jared Zabransky, so they could perhaps have made the switch to him without too much trouble if they'd wanted to. Beyond their roster, though, there aren't exactly a ton of proven CFL quarterbacks out there.

The only two quarterbacks listed on the league's official free agent list are Anthony Calvillo (recovering from surgery, but almost certain to either go back to Montreal or retire) and Jarious Jackson (who is 33, two years older than Ray, and seems likely to return to B.C. as a backup to Travis Lulay). There are undoubtedly quarterbacks who could be pried out of teams for the right price; it's possible Winnipeg might give up Buck Pierce, and there are other intriguing options around the league like Calgary's Drew Tate, Saskatchewan's Ryan Dinwiddie or Montreal's Adrian McPherson. All would likely come at considerable cost in a trade, though, and they wouldn't be a sure thing; all carry a mix of potential and risk. Considering the importance of the quarterback position in the CFL, that might not be an easy sell in a town looking to at least get back to the playoffs next season.

Moreover, there's a good possibility Ray's a long ways from done yet. Yes, he's been around the CFL for almost a decade (he started with the Eskimos in 2002, played there through the 2003 season and then returned to Edmonton after a stint with the New York Jets), but he's still only 31. Plenty of quarterbacks can have success as they get older in this league; consider that the divisional nominees for the Most Outstanding Player award last season were 38-year-old Anthony Calvillo and 35-year-old Henry Burris. Both turned in tremendous performances this past season, and Ray won't have reached Burris' current age by the end of this contract.

It's the particular statistical evidence that is concerning for Ray, however. If you look at his numbers, there's a significant drop from 2008 to 2009 and again from 2009 to 2010. That's not just his raw passing yardage, either, which decreased from 5,661 to 4,916 to 3,565 over that three-year span. A good part of the reason for that is thanks to the games he missed with injuries this past season, reflected in the 149 fewer passes he attempted in 2010 than in 2009. More worrying are his declining rate statistics; his completion percentage fell from 69.8 in 2008 to 67.3 in 2009 to 64.4 in 2010 and his yards per completion dropped from 13.4 in 2008 to 12.4 in 2010. His touchdown numbers also dropped from 26 to 22 to 11, while his interceptions went from 17 to 11 to 16. He also posted a career-low quarterback rating of 82.3.

Edmonton's myriad problems this season definitely can't all be blamed on Ray, and they did play well down the stretch despite coming up just short of the playoffs. Ray wasn't bad in that final game, completing 21 of 33 passes for 246 yards and a touchdown without an interception; he also added 37 yards and a touchdown on five carries (and his running game became a powerful weapon in his arsenal this year, with him picking up 302 yards and three touchdowns on the ground and averaging 8.2 yards per carry, the first time he'd ever gone over 6 YPC on the ground), but he did fumble twice as well. It wasn't vintage Ray by any means, but it was a significant improvement over many of his 2010 performances.

The real question for Edmonton is which Ray they're going to get. If the Eskimos can improve the parts around him and he returns to his lofty 2007-2008 form, this could be a terrific deal for them. If he turns in a more average performance, as he did in 2006 or 2009, this probably still works out pretty well for Edmonton; a completion percentage of around 66 per cent and around 5,000 total yards would put Ray in the top four quarterbacking performances of this past season. If he repeats his 2010 campaign this coming season, though, with low completion percentages and plenty of interceptions and fumbles, this three-year contract might start to look like not such a great idea.

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Becks buys dinner for Spurs, Galaxy players probably go hungry

David Beckham's training spell with Spurs has come to an end, but before he begrudgingly returns to the L.A. Galaxy for one last season in his American prison, he gave his Premier League training partners one final gift (aside from the experience of practicing with him).  

From the Independent:

The midfielder left Spurs after training on Monday, but not before ordering in pie and mash, a traditional working-class London meal. Redknapp teased reporters at the club's training ground when he said: "You don't know what it is.

"It's only us Cockneys that know -- I had three actually; I nicked an extra pie. I was brought up on it in the East End, it was fantastic.

"He had them delivered but I think some of the foreign lads were not too sure what to make of it -- so we had their portions!"

In light of his tax-evasion charges, Harry Redknapp probably shouldn't go around announcing that he's stealing pies. That aside, between this, the brilliance he shared with Spurs on the training ground and the family he rescued from their broken-down car, Beckham has done quite a few good deeds during his stint back in London.

Meanwhile, in the U.S. he can't even singlehandedly make his sport the national pastime. What a jerk.   

Photo: Getty Images

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Glenn Hoddle is sorry his Chinese joke was so awful

If there's one truth about far too many football commentators, it's that they never learn. Former England manager Glenn Hoddle proved to be one of them on Monday when he made a regrettable comment during Fulham's 0-0 draw against Chelsea on Sky Sports.

From the Telegraph:

Chelsea striker Fernando Torres had lost control of the ball when through on goal, prompting Hoddle to say: "When it's not going for you, it's not going for you. It's come off his chest, his knee and his toe. It's almost like the Chinese player Knee Shin Toe."

Hoddle, who previously lost his job as England manager due to comments about disabled people, said: “I can only apologise to those who took offence. There's no excuse. It's an old football expression and I understand I can't say things like that."

Old football expression or not, it's just a lame joke (even without the racial considerations), and after everything Sky just went through with Andy Gray and Richard Keys, you'd think these guys would put a little more thought into what dribbles out of their mouths.

The real question, though, is how these men get jobs that pay them to speak in the first place. The comment Hoddle made to the Times that got him sacked from the England job was about how he thought disabled people are being punished for sins they made in past lives. So, with that in mind, Sky decided to put a microphone in front of him and let him ramble on live television for 90 minutes at a time. And that's how show business works.  

Photo: Getty Images

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Random musings of footballers before they fall asleep...

Theo Walcott

Why do I always have to get hurt? ... Maybe I should go play in Spain or something. ... At least Cesc and Robin hang out with me in the physio's room. They're nice. ... I wish Arsene would just agree to let me replace my body with a stainless steel exoskeleton, complete with assault rifles, a stereo that plays the Karate Kid soundtrack on a loop and a Stoke defense system. That would be awesome. ... Oh well, just means more time to write my children's books. I'm coming for you, J.K. Rowling. Watch out for my stretcher...

Christian Gimenez

I've seen enough Jean Claude Van Damme films to realize that this will not end well for me. ... Monaco Forever was the best...

Pato

The shirt -- the shirt is attacking me! ... This is awful! ... Why is van Bommel cheering it on?! ... God, that guy is a turd! ... This shirt is an intelligent adversary. It has successfully disabled both my head and my hands. ... Why is van Bommel telling the shirt to kick me in the groin?! ... If I wasn't about to lose consciousness right now, I would hire Gattuso to headbutt his dad...

Didier Drogba

Time for the disgraces. ... First, Anelka got to start against Copenhagen and scored two goals after missing another important penalty kick. That's an insulting f***ing disgrace. ... Then, our match against Birmingham on Saturday got postponed because they are in the Carling Cup final. That's a disappointing f***ing disgrace. ... Then Kalou invited me to his place to watch and said that if I come I have to bring 30 McNuggets for him and his friends. That's a rude f***ing disgrace. ... Then he also said Kitier Katba can't come unless I promise he won't try to eat Katou's tail. That's an impossible f***ing disgrace. ... Then, there were those times those two bald referees who probably prank call orphans cheated us out of the Champions League. That...that was a... 

Photos: Getty Images

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