I'm Bert Tiddle and you've never heard of me. I got my wages doubled while playing for Coventry City in 1985 by telling the chairman I would also serve as a groundsman. When he found out I was having a pair of eight-year-olds do all the work for me in exchange for fake Pele autographs, he sold me for a new mower. I don't even remember that fella's name. Still, he was a numpty.
Football club owners are all scum. They either don't care enough about the club or they think they know everything and ruin it, they either spend too little money or too much like that Sudanese guy who owns Man City -- and yes, you can spend too much. Like the time I went to dinner and ordered four entrees instead of one entree and three sides. You just end up wasting food and chicken cordon bleu really doesn't compliment chicken marsala as well as a bit of boring old spinach would. I refused to pay for that dinner.
Anyway, owners are always the worst. Even the ones who seem like good ones end up dying eventually and ruin everything. The rest all smell like herpes. Take this Newcastle business for example. Mark Ashley is a terrible owner and he proved it again by sacking Carl Hughton for no good reason in the middle of the season. It makes you wonder how he made his money -- it probably wasn't from a freak vending machine mishap that severed the top part of his index finger like how I made my fortune.
Football would be a lot better off if idiots weren't allowed to own clubs all by themselves. I was just telling Accident, one of my 18 kids, the other day that you have to have checks and balances within a football club. But what do I know? Everything. That's what. I'm going to eat some chicken.
Claudette Ortiz Julia Stiles Marisa Miller AnnaLynne McCord Emma Heming
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