Rumors are swirling that Rafa Benitez is on the verge of getting sacked at Inter after following up his Club World Cup success by immediately demanding four or five new players in the January window. Since it seems Inter owner Massimo Moratti did not appreciate this tactic and could sack him for it, Benitez probably would have been better off asking old St. Nick to fulfill his wishes like every other demanding child this time of year. The following is a transcript of how we imagine Rafa's visit with Santa Claus would have gone.
Santa: Ho ho ho! And how are you, little- er, boy?
Rafa: I want new players or you can talk to my agent!
Santa: Uh, Santa doesn't usually deal in human trafficking, but I suppose I could do that. Is there anything else?
Rafa: Yeah, I want Liverpool to stop blaming me for all their problems.
Santa: Ho ho ho, you really ruined that club!
Rafa: Excuse me?
Santa: Nothing. Santa can do that. Santa can do anything! What else do you want?
Rafa: I want people to stop calling me a fat Spanish waiter.
Santa: Ho ho ho!
Rafa: It's not funny!
Santa: Ho ho ho fine. Santa can do that, too. Just like Santa can win the treble at Inter instead of getting sacked in his first six months on the job.
Rafa: What?
Santa: Nothing. Ho ho ho! Is there anything else you want, waiter?
Rafa: The first three seasons of Two and a Half Men on DVD. And for Jose Mourinho to stop belittling me to the press.
Santa: Ho ho ho! Maybe he will stop when you thank him for giving you such a great team that he built and then admit that he is smarter, more handsome and, unlike you, does not smell like cheese.
Rafa: Cheese? I don't understand. What is the meaning of this?
[Santa reveals himself to be Jose Mourinho]
Mourinho: Hahahaha you are so dumb, Rafa. It was me the whole time and you just kept talking about the extra players you need for a team that was already perfect for me and DVDs that aren't about The Special One. I would have known it was me immediately and then I would have said, "I'm too smart for your tricks, but it was still a good one because everything you do is genius, Jose Mourinho." But don't worry, Rafa. I will take pity on you and still grant your Christmas wishes.
Rafa: Really?
Mourinho: No ho ho ho ho!
Rafa: I hate you.
Mourinho: Hahaha I know.
Genelle Frenoy Shania Twain Gwen Stefani Sunny Mabrey Karolína Kurková
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