Saturday, June 18, 2011

Random musings of footballers before they fall asleep…

Michael Ballack

So the national team doesn't want me anymore? ... I see how it is. ... Who's going to fight with Lahm for the captaincy now? No one. That's who. ... Stupid, Jogi Low. ... They're going to miss me at Euro 2012. ... Schweinsteiger is going to have to find someone else to cut the crusts off his Nutella sandwiches. Cause I'm not going all the way to Poland just to do that. ... Idiots. ... If Jogi keeps staring at me like that, I'm going to slap his face like I'm Lukas Podolski and he's Michael Ballack...

Gigi Buffon

Now...what's her name?

Freddy Adu

This is bullspit! ... Bob Bradley finally gets some sense and invites me to a U.S. camp and I can't even make the bench for these Gold Cup matches even though these motherflubbers playing instead of me lose to Panama and can only score one goal on Guadeloupe! ... What the fudge is a Guadeloupe?! ... I should be playing instead of these fools! ... Respect The Adu! American Pele! ... I used to date JoJo...

Didier Drogba

Time for the disgraces. ... First, someone tried to make it look like my head is causing an eclipse. That's a lunar f***ing disgrace. ... Then, I got married in Monaco and Kalou got so drunk at the reception that he tried to sing at the reception. That was a tone-deaf f***ing disgrace. ... Then, Kitier Katba was supposed to be the ring bearer, but his cat tuxedo was too small for him. That was a feline obesity f***ing disgrace. ... Then, there were those times those referees who probably give dead turtles as wedding presents cheated us out of the Champions League. That...that was a...

Photos: Reuters, Getty

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