AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:
1. MY HAIR -- I USED TO HAVE THAT HAIR STYLE AND I MISS IT SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!! MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY SAY THEY WILL STOP SPEAKING TO ME FOREVER IF I GROW IT LIKE THAT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IF I HAD THAT HAIR AGAIN I WOULDN'T NEED ANY OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EXCEPT WHEN I GET LONELY!!!!!!!! WHICH HAPPENS KIND OF A LOT!!!!!!!!!!
2. ST. PAULI FANS EMBRACING THEIR BEER THROWING WAYS -- NORMALLY I AM ALL FOR HITTING PEOPLE IN THE NECK WITH CUPS BUT WASTING A PERFECTLY GOOD BEER IS NOTHING TO BE PROUD OF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF THEY HAD WASTED AN EVEN BETTER BEVERAGE LIKE PAINT THINNER I WOULD HAVE BEEN FORCED TO EMAIL THEM ALL A PICTURE OF AN ANGRY DUCK!!!!!!!!
3. OWL KICKER KICKS A PERSON -- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I THINK YOU HAVE SERIOUS ANGER MANAGEMENT PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET HELP!!!!!!!!!! GET HELP NOW OR I WILL SCREAM IN YOUR FACE UNTIL MY VEINS JUMP OUT OF MY BODY AND BEAT YOU SENSELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4. CORN -- I KNEW IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNEW THE CORN WAS EVERYWHERE BUT YOU DIDN'T LISTEN!!!!!!!!!!! NOW IT IS MOCKING US IN CARTOON FORM!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH YOU IDIOTS RUINED IT FOR ALL OF US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5. IRAN'S STATUES OF DAVID BECKHAM AND OLIVER KAHN -- OF ALL THE GOALKEEPERS TO MAKE A HORRIBLE STATUE OF WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN ME?!?!?!?!?!???!?!??!??!! I FIND THIS VERY OFFENSIVE!!!!!!!!!!! NO ONE EVER MAKES HORRIBLE STATUES OF ME EVEN THOUGH MY DREAM IS TO HAVE ONE POSED LIKE I'M ABOUT TO SNEEZE WHILE ROUNDHOUSE KICKING A GRIZZLY BEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH I WISH I HAD THE HAIR OF THE BECKHAM STATUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6. VIDIC ADMITTING HIS WEAKNESS TO THE NOTEBOOK -- WHAT KIND OF BABY ALMOST CRIES OVER A MOVIE?!?!!???!?!?!?!? THE ONLY MOVIE THAT EVER GETS TO MY EMOTIONS IS THE LITTLE MERMAID AND THAT'S BECAUSE IT IS A MASTERPIECE!!!!!!!!! A MASTERPIECE!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT INSTEAD OF CRYING I JUST HEADBUTT THE TELEVISION UNTIL I BLACK OUT AND FORGET HOW MEAN URSULA IS TO ARIEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOW I NEED TO HEADBUTT SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7. MAN UNITED'S HEADLESS PERSON -- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8. HEURELHO GOMES -- YOUR MISTAKES MAKE ME REMEMBER MY OWN AND THAT MAKES ME FEEL AWFUL!!!!!! AWFUL!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH WHY IS THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD SO FLAT?!?!!??!??!
9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- SO I WAS TRYING TO FORGET OUR LOSS TO MILAN ON SUNDAY BY REPEATEDLY FLUSHING MY HEAD IN THE TOILET WHILE SINGING TAYLOR SWIFT SONGS WHEN MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI CAME OVER ALL PANICKY!!!!!!!!! HE ASKED ME IF I WAS OK!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SAID "YES DAN I'M FINE!!!!!!!!!" WHILE I CONTINUED TO FLUSH MY HEAD IN THE TOILET BUT I SAID IT IN A WAY SO HE WOULD KNOW THAT I REALLY WASN'T FINE AND IF I KNEW THAT I WOULDN'T HAVE TO PEE IN ABOUT FIVE MINUTES I WOULD HAVE RIPPED THE TOILET OUT OF THE FLOOR AND PUNCHED HIM WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAN SAID THAT I SHOULDN'T TAKE ONE LOSS SO HARD AND THAT I WAS WELCOME TO WATCH A MOVIE WITH HIM AND HIS GOOBER KIDS TO GET MY MIND OFF THINGS!!!!!!! I SAID "SURE THAT SOUNDS NICE!!!!!!" EVEN THOUGH IT REALLY SOUNDED LIKE A HORRIFIC NIGHTMARE!!!!!!!!! WE ENDED UP WATCHING THE NOTEBOOK AND IT ACTUALLY GOT TO ME MORE THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD SO I JUMPED OUT THEIR THIRD FLOOR WINDOW WHEN RACHEL MCADAMS KISSED RYAN GOSSLING IN THE RAIN TO ESCAPE THE OVERWHELMING BEAUTY OF THE MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH I HOPE DAN'S DVD PLAYER EXPLODES AND STARTS A HOUSE FIRE THAT THEY CAN ALL EASILY ESCAPE FROM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!
Photo: Robert Jaworski /Agencja FORUM
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