Lionel Messi
Hahaha I'm waving to nobody. ... Beating Arsenal was fun. Especially since Pep said he would buy me the Prince of Persia desert attack Lego playset if we won. Yes! ... I just hope Dani Alves doesn't stomp on this one. ... Hahaha I bet Pique kisses Shakira when they go driving together. My mom said that happens sometimes. ... Scoring goals makes me feel like a rainbow and that makes me sleepy. ... Legos...
Nani
Seriously, everyone here is a turd. ... My leg is bleeding, I can see the bone, and I'm pretty sure it'll have to be amputated. But Jamie Carragher only gets a yellow card? ... I know I'm known as one of the toughest guys in the league, but I have to somehow express how awful all of this is. ... I'm sure that if I just cry a little bit, everyone will then understand the seriousness of this situation and no one will make fun of me or immediately accuse me of overreacting. ... OK, I'm just going to think back to all the times Paul Scholes did this to me in training and maybe I'll be able to squeeze a few tears for the first time since Wayne Rooney took off his shirt in front of me...
Crazy Eyes
HOCKEY!
Robin van Persie
It's time for the jokes. ... First, I got sent off for nothing and Arsenal lost to Barcelona. That was a total joke. ... Then, there were 95,000 Barcelona fans jumping and making noise in the stadium. How am I supposed to hear? That was a deafening total joke. ... Then, we haven't won a trophy in so long even though we always play perfect and everyone knows we deserve it. That is a mean total joke. ... Then, Alex Song showed me a film called "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective." That was a confusing total joke. ... Then, Arsene said that the only explanation for our misfortune is that God hates us and so we must sacrifice Theo Walcott to appease him. That was a reasonable total joke. ... Then, Didier Drogba texted me to say "shut up, Ovrebo was worse." That...that was a...
Mia Kirshner Elisabeth Röhm Lily Allen Emmanuelle Chriqui Anna Faris
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