AHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:
1. ROBINHO RUNNING INTO A CAMERA -- THIS IS SO DUMB!!!!!! WHENEVER I RUN INTO A CAMERA IT'S ON PURPOSE AND IT'S THE CAMERA THAT GETS HURT NOT ME!!!!!!!!!! ONE TIME I GAVE A CAMERA A CONCUSSION!!!!!!!!!! IT TURNED OUT IT WASN'T ACTUALLY A CAMERA BUT AN OLD MAN NAMED TOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. HLEB WANTING AN ARSENAL SHIRT -- NEVER REGRET ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T CARE HOW AWFUL A DECISION IT WAS TO LEAVE ARSENAL HLEB SHOULDN'T REGRET IT!!!!!!!!! IF I REGRETTED ALL THE TERRIBLE DECISIONS I MAKE I WOULD PROBABLY SPEND ALL DAY CRYING AND SINGING ALONG TO THE LITTLE MERMAID!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I THINK I MIGHT DO THAT ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. PUNCHING TEAMMATES IN THE FACE -- AHHHHHHHHHHHH I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES I'VE WANTED TO DO THIS!!!!!!!!! BUT I HAVEN'T BECAUSE TEAMMATES HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER AT ALL COSTS!!!!!!!!!!! PLUS I AM PLANNING A SINGLE DAY OF RECKONING WHERE I GET EVEN WITH ALL OF MY ENEMIES AT ONCE!!!!!!!!!!! IT WILL BE KIND OF LIKE THE END OF THE GODFATHER BUT WITH MORE DROPKICKS AND SPARKLERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4. CORN -- I RECENTLY TRIED TO BUY ALL THE CORN IN THE WORLD SO I COULD DESTROY IT BEFORE IT DESTROYS US BUT THE MARKET IN FLORENCE SAID THEY COULDN'T SELL IT ALL TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M PRETTY SURE THEY WERE LYING TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH THE CORN WINS AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5. KNEELING DURING MATCH TO PROTEST NOT GETTING PAID -- THIS IS NOT HOW YOU PROTEST SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!! IF YOUR PROTEST DOES NOT INCLUDE BEATING EXECUTIVES WITH DEER CARCASSES OR BUSTING THROUGH WALLS LIKE THE KOOL AID MAN YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!
6. TELLING FANS THAT YOU HOPE THEY DIE -- IT'S WRONG TO DO IT ON TWITTER BUT I ACTUALLY DO THIS ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!! INSTEAD OF SAYING GOODBYE TO PEOPLE I USUALLY SAY "I HOPE YOU ALL DIE!!!!!!!!!" USUALLY THEY THINK I'M JOKING OR TAKE OFFENSE BUT I'M ACTUALLY EXPRESSING MY DESIRE FOR THEM TO NOT SUFFER THROUGH THE BORING LONELINESS OF LIVING FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7. FELIPE MELO KICKING PEOPLE IN THE FACE -- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I'VE SAID IT BEFORE BUT VIOLENCE IS NOT THE ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!! EXCEPT FOR THE MANY TIMES WHEN IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!! LAST WEEK I FOUGHT A RACCOON!!!!!! IT WAS A DRAW!!!!!!!
8. MOURINHO FALLING DOWN THE STAIRS -- THIS MADE ME LAUGH!!!!!!!! AND THEN I FELT BAD FOR TAKING PLEASURE IN THE MISFORTUNE OF OTHERS!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH I HATE BEING FACED WITH MORAL DILEMMAS LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!
9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- I WAS MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS AND HEADBUTT RANDOM THINGS IN MY HOUSE JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT WHEN MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI CAME OVER AND ASKED IF I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A LITTLE NEW YEAR'S PARTY WITH HIM AND HIS GOOBER KIDS!!!!!!!!! I SAID "SURE THAT SOUNDS FANTASTIC!!!!!!!" BUT I SAID IT IN A WAY SO HE WOULD KNOW THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE HIS FACE MELT LIKE IN RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK!!!!!!!!! THAT'S RIGHT!!!!!! THREE MOVIE REFERENCES IN ONE RAGE LIST!!!!! I WAS BORED OVER THE BREAK OKAY?!??!?!?! ANYWAY I WENT TO THEIR TERRIBLE LITTLE PARTY AND WHEN MIDNIGHT ARRIVED I CHUGGED A BOTTLE OF PAINT THINNER THEN DROPKICKED THEIR DVD PLAYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS THE BEST NEW YEAR'S EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I HOPE THE WYKOWSKIS GET A NEW DVD PLAYER SO I CAN PUT SAUSAGES IN IT AND TELL THEM I FOUND IT THAT WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!
Photo: ViolaChannel.tv
Katy Perry Vinessa Shaw Rebecca Romijn Nadine Velazquez Pink
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